Why is it that about once every year I find myself totally overwhelmed with all of the commitments that I have taken on? Nobody has forced these things on me, they’re things I love, things I’ve chosen and quite honestly, things I’ve prayed about feel like I’m supposed to be doing!
I’ve mentioned before that I started homeschooling my kids this past Fall, and I haven’t a doubt in my mind that God put that call on my life. I also hold 2 different leadership positions, one as the chair of a major committee within my church and one as a team coordinator for an anti-human trafficking ministry here in Houston. In addition to that I’m on another church committee, part of another ministry team and help with the Wednesday Youth Bible study at our church. Are you feeling tired yet? Because I know I am!
I love my life. I love all of the ministries I’m a part of, all of the ways I’m able to serve, and I should mention that I really am an extremely high energy person. I need activity in my life or I’ll create problems. (I’ll write about that another time) My problem is that I am totally incapable of balancing all of these parts of my life.
I don’t think I’ve spent more than an hour at a time with my husband in several weeks, other than sleeping next to one another. (He’s been busy as well, currently he’s away on a junior high youth camp weekend) My kids’ schooling has turned from fun to routine, with me just trying to cram in the rest of our work before summer. I’m stressing over an upcoming presentation for the anti-trafficking ministry, as it’s one I’m having to build from the notes of another leader. I feel like I’m forgetting things constantly and just not doing a good job at anything.
I go through this cycle regularly, and I pray and I try to cut out activities, drop commitments, put aside things that are no longer part of this “season” of my life, but then I just start over again. Things build and I realize that I’m busy, but it’s fine… I like busy. But it keeps snowballing and then one day I just wake up and realize I’m not doing anything well, and I feel like a failure.
“When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn.” ~ Psalm 142:3
I know that the biggest issue I face during these times is that I allow my busyness to interfere with my relationship with Christ. The first thing I do when I wake up stops being quiet time and starts being email. My prayer journal goes days, then weeks without being picked up and the bookmark in my devotion book doesn’t move. Now that I know, I’ll recommit. I’ll get up earlier, get in my quiet time, pray more. But for how long? I want to get out of this pattern, I just need God’s strength to do it.