I want to be a minimalist

I love the whole minimalist movement that’s going on right now.

I so want to be organized and purge all of my unnecessary belongings, to have “a place for everything and everything in its place.”

Here’s the problem, or rather problems:

I’m not a particularly neat person. My husband and kids are downright messy. They’re also hoarders. And while I love having things neat, I can’t seem to actually make that happen.

I know that sounds like an excuse, or laziness, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I genuinely lack the capacity to create order out of chaos. I look at a closet full of towels, sheets, blankets,board games, photo albums, and who knows what else and I am overwhelmed. I may start with a plan (that I got off of Pinterest!) but somewhere along the way it all becomes too much and I find things that don’t fit into the categories I’ve made, or don’t look right in the bins I’ve bought and now I’ve got to clean it all up because I’ve dragged evERYTHING OUT OF THE CLOSET AND IT’S JUST SITTING HERE IN THE LIVING ROOM IN PILES SO I STUFF IT INTO THE BINS AND CRAM IT IN THE CLOSET AND NOTHING IS BETTER!!!!!

And that is the story of how I reorganized my linen closet this week.

But seriously, I need things to be neat and orderly. My brain needs it. I look over the clutter that is my home and my eyelid starts twitching and I can’t focus on the things I so desperately need to get done! When I browse pictures of beautifully decorated homes and fantasize, I’m not looking at castles and mansions, I’m looking at small, neat, clean spaces with lovely accents to make it homey.

I wish I could get home.

I’m not a failure (despite what my brain tells me)

This week has been overwhelming, exhausting, and otherwise wearying.

It’s my last week of classes this quarter, my days have been filled with trainings and meetings for work, I’ve been on antibiotics for an infection (that I’m pretty sure has morphed into something else??), and I figured out last night that while I’ve been out of pocket my kids have been subsisting on ice cream sandwiches.

So… I’m behind on schoolwork, overloaded on material related to the exploitation of minors, neglecting my own children and my house looks like this:

IMG_5797 IMG_5798

It’s really easy to look around and think, “I’m failing. At absolutely EVERYTHING that I’m trying to do.”

In fact, I got in bed last night thinking that very thing. All of these things in my life – seminary, working with Redeemed, homeschooling my kids – are all things that God called me to, but I find myself feeling inadequate; a failure.

We have been ransomed through his Son’s blood, and we have forgiveness for our failures based on his overflowing grace

Ephesians 1:7

I thought about this a lot today as I was returning emails, posting in forums, getting ready for a meeting, picking up around the house and cooking dinner. I realized that my value does not come from how well I am doing at any given moment in time at any given task. My value comes from God, and I am to give him my best. Sometimes my best is going to be messy and disorganized and crazy because I am human, but that’s OK.

He knows my heart, and I am striving for my best.

Ashley Madison, Infidelity, And Why Your Spouse Probably Deserves Your Passwords

A great post by John Pavlovitz on fidelity and trust in marriage.

john pavlovitz

AshleyMadison

The hacking of AshleyMadison and the subsequent release of the personal information of many of its 28 million subscribers is causing violent ripples in homes throughout the world, even as we speak. The website, which caters to married people looking for extramarital encounters and has been compromised by cyber-activists, is now relegated to the role of helpless witness as the names and sordid secrets of its clientele are being broadcast for everyone (including their devastated spouses and families) to see.

It’s a human tragedy on a scale that we probably can’t really calculate with words; not merely the leak itself, but the fact that such a business exists at all and has found such numerous and willing participants. It’s a testament to the complete disregard by so many married people, for those they once vowed devotion to for the remainder of their lives; a frightening sign that Marriage isn’t quite as sacred as many involved have claimed.

As a pastor who has walked families through infidelity and…

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A Couch

We got a new couch today.

A beautiful brown leather sectional that replaced a 10 year old, stained, dog hair covered couch that I was happy to see go.

It’s a couch. People get new ones all the time.

I didn’t realize, however, just how big of a deal that something like a new couch could be to someone with autism.

In all of my planning of where to put it, new pillows and rearranging end tables, it didn’t occur to me to prepare my daughter for the upcoming change to her environment.

I know she’ll get used to it, but I hope I remember this and don’t make this mistake again.