It’s been so long since I posted anything, for a variety of reasons. Busy, moody, exhausted, overwhelmed, or… just nothing to say.
I’m at the end of a quarter at school and my head is full of stuff, so I’ll share some pictures from the beautiful weekend my husband and I took last week in Nachitoches, Louisiana.
Hopefully I’ll come back with some actual words soon! 🙂
I love the whole minimalist movement that’s going on right now.
I so want to be organized and purge all of my unnecessary belongings, to have “a place for everything and everything in its place.”
Here’s the problem, or rather problems:
I’m not a particularly neat person. My husband and kids are downright messy. They’re also hoarders. And while I love having things neat, I can’t seem to actually make that happen.
I know that sounds like an excuse, or laziness, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I genuinely lack the capacity to create order out of chaos. I look at a closet full of towels, sheets, blankets,board games, photo albums, and who knows what else and I am overwhelmed. I may start with a plan (that I got off of Pinterest!) but somewhere along the way it all becomes too much and I find things that don’t fit into the categories I’ve made, or don’t look right in the bins I’ve bought and now I’ve got to clean it all up because I’ve dragged evERYTHING OUT OF THE CLOSET AND IT’S JUST SITTING HERE IN THE LIVING ROOM IN PILES SO I STUFF IT INTO THE BINS AND CRAM IT IN THE CLOSET AND NOTHING IS BETTER!!!!!
And that is the story of how I reorganized my linen closet this week.
But seriously, I need things to be neat and orderly. My brain needs it. I look over the clutter that is my home and my eyelid starts twitching and I can’t focus on the things I so desperately need to get done! When I browse pictures of beautifully decorated homes and fantasize, I’m not looking at castles and mansions, I’m looking at small, neat, clean spaces with lovely accents to make it homey.
I wish I could get home.
It’s inevitable that our will kids get older, and that we as parents will be sad. It’s obvious, and cliché, and silly to want to turn back the clock to the days when my now 14-year-old daughter was a baby, and I could still hold her and hug her anytime I wanted. Doesn’t stop it from being true.
It’s been a hard year for her. She’s been in counseling all year, working mainly on her anxiety, depression and social skills due to her autism. She’d decided that for this year that she’d like go back to public school, despite having been homeschooled since the fifth grade, so even though I wasn’t really on board with the idea we went for it.
It went terribly. All of the progress she’d made getting her anxiety under control went right out the window and the depression we thought was now taken care of with medication came roaring back, complete with suicidal thoughts. The school wouldn’t work with us to provide accommodations and Morgan wasn’t capable of waiting for us to fight it out.
We went back to homeschooling but damage had been done and smoothing out the routine of homeschooling has been a long process. I don’t think we’re there yet, despite the fact that the school year is about over.
She’s changed so much this past year. She’s questioned everything, from authority to her faith to her gender identity. While Kent and I struggle to keep up with what new idea she’s going to latch on to next, we’re praying constantly that she will stay close to us so that we will at least be aware enough to respond correctly. I think about how hard it is for us, but then I remember how much harder it must be for her. In the end this is her life and her journey
She’s beautiful and smart, artistically and musically gifted and the people she allows to know her love her deeply. I’m so grateful to be her mother.
Happy birthday Morgan, my love.
Love this song by Matt Maher, and always love the acoustic sound. Audrey Assad is a beautiful addition.
I keep listening to it this week because it’s so true.
Lord, I Need You
I hate today.
I haven’t slept.
I’ve gotten nothing done.
I’ve forgotten a bag at Hobby Lobby, dropped a pizza, given up on reading for school because I couldn’t concentrate, stared blankly in the grocery store until a kid from my church caught my attention (awkward), felt headachy and sick and I think I fell asleep on my couch for a few minutes but I’m not sure.
I hate bipolar and everything that goes with it.